Hogwarts vs A Mary Sue
by SokkasFirstFangirl
Summary: A Mary Sue has invaded Hogwarts and it's up to Rachael and Tanya to save James Potter from her! What are two girls to do when a Mary Sue is involved?
1. The Discovery of The Sue

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_Hello people that own computers/laptops! How's it going? Good? That's nice...as for me...SCHOOL IS COMING NEARER! *screams in horror* THE HOMEWORK WILL RETURN! NOOOOO! I don't want to do homework. Who's with me?_

_Anyway in this story Tanya (97chuckles) and I will attempt to destroy a Mary-Sue. So basically this bashes Mary-Sue's everywhere!_

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Summary- A Mary-Sue has invaded Hogwarts and it's up to Rachael and Tanya to save James from her!

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Disclaimer- I own nothing! ...I suppose I own the Mary-Sue but I don't want to. Take her for all I care I HATE Mary-Sue's! It's gonna kill me writing about her!

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_Listening to- Her Name Is Alice by Shinedown_

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_It was a lovely sunny day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the Giant Squid was floating peacefully across the surface of the Black Lake. _

_The students of the school were inside having lunch, the enchanted ceiling above them was a lovely bright cloudless blue. The Marauders and Lily Evans were chatting happily at the Gryffindor table. Everything was perfect..._

_But the students felt on edge, as though something, somewhere terrible had happened. But what? What could ruin this lovely day?_

_Suddenly clouds rolled in, rain poured down and lightning struck. A particularly large lightning bolt struck and the doors to the Great Hall opened._

_There in the threshold stood a beautiful sixteen year old girl with wavy waist length golden hair, a pale heart shaped face, a perfect figure and shining brown eyes. Her clothes were torn, ragged and dirty but it did not make her any less beautiful._

"_M-My name is Bloom Alexandra Sophia Kent" she said. "Death Eaters murdered my mother a few weeks ago so I came here."_

_No-one questioned why she didn't go to school in the first place._

"_You may stay here if you wish" said Dumbledore smiling kindly at her. Bloom nodded gratefully. "Thank you" she said beaming._

Rachael Higgins preferably Roche and her best friend Tanya Purcell were gaping at the computer in horror. Unlike the perfect girl in the story these girl's appearances were not perfect (no matter how much they wished they were).

Rachael had brown hair and an over grown fringe that was constantly falling into her eyes. (A great source of annoyance) In even the slightest gust of wind her hair ended up looking like a bird's nest and if it got the slightest bit humid it went curly. It was a great source of annoyance for her and she had hazel eyes. She was tall for her age and downright scrawny despite her round face...maybe she should cut back on the chocolate...nah!

Tanya on the other hand had wavy dirty blonde hair and...well they weren't sure what colour her eyes were. They were a strange mix between blue and gray and she had a thin face. She was a bit shorter than Rachael.

The girls looked perfectly average and had perfectly normal names, although they themselves were a bit on the giddy side, Rachael was a bit of a bookworm and Tanya...well...she could pack a punch and if she tells you to shut up _for the love of God listen to her!_

"Oh no" groaned Rachael. "It's another one!"

"Bloom?" said Tanya wrinkling her nose. "Isn't that the name of the fairy from that old show you watch?"

"Yeah" grumbled Rachael "And this blonde bimbo is putting Bloom's name to shame!"

"Want to flame the story then?" Tanya asked.

"Nah" said Rachael with a wave of her hand. "Flaming is just plain mean. Besides we haven't finished the chapter yet."

_James Potter stood up and walked towards her smiling widely._

Tanya growled. "If that Mary-Sue effects James in ANY way, shape or form I will kill her!"

"_My name's James Potter" he said. "Want to sit at the Gryffindor table?"_

_Bloom nodded. "Of course" she said taking his hand and walked with him to the Gryffindor table._

"She's effecting him!" yelled Tanya angrily "She's effecting him damn it!"

"_Hello" she said pleasantly to Lily and the other Marauders "I'm Bloom."_

_Sirius Black a boy with wavy shoulder length black hair, a pale hearth shaped face and gray eyes blinked at her. Unlike James he did not seem to think Bloom looked particularly special. "Yeah...hi...I'm Sirius Black" he said and turned his back on her and started talking to Frank Longbottom instead._

"Oh thank God Sirius isn't being effected!" said Rachael happily.

"Yes but she's effecting James!" said Tanya still looking very angry.

"Sirius is more important!"

"NO HE IS NOT!"

"_I'm Remus Lupin" said Remus a boy with amber eyes and light brown hair. He, like Sirius, did not seem to think that Bloom was anything special._

"THANK YOU MERLIN!" wailed Rachael and Tanya.

"_I-I'm P-P-P-Peter P-Pettigrew" stuttered Peter Pettigrew, a short cubby boy with watery blue eyes and blonde hair. It was impossible to tell if he liked Bloom, since he was always stuttering._

_Lily Evans, a pretty girl with long red hair and emerald green eyes didn't say anything. She was not even looking at Bloom and was instead talking to Mary MacDonald._

"Okay so far only James seems effected by her" said Rachael. "That's good."

"Why couldn't she effect Snape?" groaned Tanya "Then I wouldn't care! But she's effecting JAMES!"

"Shh! We're almost done!"

_Bloom smiled widely at James showing her even shiny white teeth as he explained how things worked around Hogwarts._

_Despite all the awful things that had happened to Bloom lately things finally seemed to be looking up._

"And that's the end of that" Rachael scowled in disgust.

"I say we flame it!" said Tanya moving the mouse down to the review button but then she stopped. She hated flames and didn't want to be a flamer. But this little Mary-Sue was effecting James Potter! She was not about to let that go unpunished!

"I don't want to flame it" said Rachael slowly "But I don't want to lie and say that I like it either. That will just encourage the author and the Mary-Sue."

"Me too" said Tanya "But we can't let a Mary-Sue run around Hogwarts!"

"I have an idea!" said Rachael and she crawled under her bed (unexplored territory!) and came out a few minutes later covered in dust.

She peered under her bed again and shuddered. "I have got to clean under there!" she said wiping dust off her Tinkerbell T-shirt.

"So what did you get?" Tanya asked.

Rachael held up her hand showing that she was holding a round red button with white writing on it that said 'Easy!'

"...An Easy Button?" Tanya asked.

"Yep" said Rachael brightly. "We're going to use this to get to Hogwarts!"

"...Is that even possible?"

"It's an _Easy Button _Tanya! Of course it's possible!" said Rachael and she pressed the button and the two thirteen year olds were sucked into the laptop.

The girls landed with a thump in one of the hallways of Hogwarts. They could hear talking nearby and assumed they were near the Great Hall. Good. That would make things easier.

But still they moved slowly and swiftly, because despite knowing that Bloom was in the Great Hall Mary-Sue's usually brought another Mary-Sue with them and you never now...She might be watching them!

They got to the doors of the hall and stopped suddenly scared. There was a freaking Mary-Sue in there! Just because they weren't Harry Potter characters didn't mean she couldn't harm them!

"Now are we sure we want to do this?" Rachael asked.

"Yes" said Tanya firmly. "That bimbo is making James act Out of Character! I must kill her!"

"I know" said Rachael. "But in that hall..." she lowered her voice to a dramatic whisper "There be monsters!"

"Yeah" said Tanya "Plus there's Sirius Black who you are obsessed with and a few of your own Other Characters."

"Ah crap Agatha Bole is in there!" said Rachael.

"Oh yeah I forgot about her" said Tanya "But on the plus side she has to do what you say. You are basically her god."

"True" said Rachael "Well..." she took a deep breath and reached for the door handle. "Let's go Gryff!"

"Right behind you Huffle."

Rachael opened the doors. Despite the large creaking noise it made no-one turned to look at them. Many of them were focused on Bloom.

Damned Mary-Sue.

Tanya cleared her throat loudly but still no-one took any notice of them.

"Hello?" said Tanya. "OI! WILL YOU PAY ATTENTION?"

Still no-one looked at them.

Bloom smiled at James, stood and left with five other girls following her. Apparently she had already made friends. Bloom didn't even notice them as she passed with her 'friends.'

"Now that she's gone will you listen?" yelled Tanya but no-one did anything.

Rachael sighed and yelled as loud as she could "HEY LOOK! IT'S JAMES POTTER'S AND LILY EVANS' CHILD WHO HAS TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO READ BOOKS ABOUT HIS LIFE WITH YOU ALL!"

Now, at long last everyone turned to look at them. Many of the boys looked disappointed.

"Hey! You're not Bloom!" said Benjy Fenwick. Rachael's eyebrow twitched. Bloom had effected Benjy too?

"No we're not Bloom" sad Tanya scowling. "We're two normal thirteen year old girls who have come to give you a warning."

"What is it?" asked Remus Lupin.

"Is it Death Eaters?" asked Marlene McKinnon.

"Is it You-Know-Who?" asked Frank Longbottom.

"No" said Rachael.

"But it's worse" said Tanya.

"_Much _worse!" said Rachael.

"What could be worse than Death Eaters and Voldemort?" asked Sirius Black.

Rachael and Tanya took a deep breath and said at the same time; "A MARY-SUE HAS INVADED HOGWARTS!"

All hell broke loose as the students and most teachers started screaming in horror.

"Well" said Rachael. "They took that better than I thought they would!"

**...**

**A/N: Yes. I made a Mary-Sue specially for this story! And bloody hell it pains me to write about her! I already hate her! Grr...Damn Mary-Sues... And I couldn't help but put in that part about reading the Harry Potter books. I love those fanfictions don't get me wrong but it's funny to make fun of them :D Anyway review!**


	2. Meeting the Sue

_Hello, hello! This is chapter two of Hogwarts vs A Mary Sue! ...Hey...that rhymes! :D_

_Anyway enjoy!_

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_Disclaimer- I own nothing! ...Except my own characters and Bloom...but you can take Bloom just leave my other characters alone!_

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_Listening to- Fix You- Coldplay_

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After a few minutes everyone stopped screaming and looked at Rachael and Tanya.

"Who is this Mary-Sue?" asked Narcissa Black.

"It's Bloom!" said Tanya "I thought that would be obvious!"

Again all hell broke loose. The Slytherins yelled "WE KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH THAT GIRL!" The unaffected Gryffindors were planning Bloom's slow and painful demise. The Ravenclaws were already planning to look up Mary-Sues and how to destroy them. The Hufflepuffs looked fearful for their lives.

While no-one was looking James snuck out of the hall after Bloom.

"Now" said Rachael "Is anyone feeling...Out of Character? Like do the Slytherins want to hug somebody?"

"HELL NO!" yelled every Slytherin.

"Good" said Tanya "You're all safe."

"And Gryffindors what do you think of Quidditch?" Rachael asked.

"QUIDDITCH IS A LIFE SAVER!" yelled the Gryffindors. Some answered a bit more slowly than others. They would have to keep an eye on those ones.

"Hufflepuffs what do you think about friendship?" Rachael asked.

"FRIENDSHIP RULES ALL!" yelled the Hufflepuffs. Again some boys and some girls were a bit slow to answer.

"And Ravenclaws what would you do if I said that the library was shut down for the rest of the year?" Rachael asked.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" roared the Ravenclaws with a few extra brainy ones bursting into tears. Sadly a few did not react at all. They were already under the influence of the Mary-Sue. She was a strong one.

"And may we ask who you are?" Dumbledore asked Rachael and Tanya.

"The name's Tanya, Dumbles!" said Tanya saluting Dumbledore. Dumbledore chuckled, obviously amused by the nickname.

"My name's Rachael" said Rachael.

Suddenly a girl with very curly short brown hair from the Slytherin table and a plump blonde Hufflepuff girl ran to her and started bowing.

"YOU ARE OUR GOD!" they yelled. It was Rachael's characters Agatha Bole the perverted bitch and Sophie Peters, Peter's Pettigrew's love interest. Rachael looked around. Where the hell were Anne O'Conner and Ryan Brown?

"What do they mean by that?" Sirius asked.

"Um...I sort of...made them" said Rachael nervously.

"Wait, wait hold up!" said Sirius "YOU made Agatha? You bloody bitch she's always trying to do me!"

"I'm sorry!" said Rachael "But don't worry you end up with Marlene in my mind!"

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" Sirius demanded while Marlene jumped up and down yelling "YES! YES! YYYYYEEEEEESSSS! I GET SIRIUS! I GET SIRIUS!"

Peter Pettigrew was gaping at Rachael. "Y-you made Sophie?" he asked.

"Yes" said Rachael.

Peter ran over and hugged her. "THANK YOU!" he yelled. "I am your mumble servant!" he said.

"Humble servant Wormtail" Remus corrected.

"Yeah that" said Peter still hugging Rachael. "THANK YOU! You actually gave me a love interest!"

"Get off me Pettigrew" said Rachael glaring at him. She may have given him a love interest but she still hated him with a passion. Peter let go of her but he started bowing chanting "I am not worthy of thy presence!" (And damn right he wasn't!)

"So who is effected by the Mary-Sue?" Frank Longbottom asked.

"Well I am sad to say Benjy is effected" said Rachael.

Benjy did not seem to notice, he was talking rapidly about Bloom to a very creeped out Lily Evans.

"And James was obviously effected" said Tanya scowling at the idea of a Mary-Sue effecting her precious James.

"And from the looks of it Caradoc Dearborn, Emmeline Vance, Kingsley Shaklebott and Xenophilis Lovegood are effected too. And she'll more than likely effect one of the teachers later on..." said Rachael as she looked at the students who looked as though they weren't paying attention. "And can anyone tell me where Anne and Ryan are?"

"Anne left with Bloom" said Lily.

"And Ryan left when everyone was screaming" said Alice Prewett.

"...THAT BITCH IS EFFECTING MY OWN CHARACTERS?" Rachael exploded.

"Whoa, Rach, just...just calm down" said Tanya.

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!" yelled Rachael "I THOUGHT IT WAS BAD BEFORE BUT NOW IT'S PERSONAL!"

Everyone knows if a Mary-Sue effects an author's own characters then that's just crossing the line.

"So...who's going to help us rid Hogwarts of this evil Mary-Sue?" Tanya asked.

"I'll help!" said Sirius walking over to them. "It gets me out of homework!"

"I'll help too" said Remus. "Someone needs to keep Padfoot out of trouble.

"I'll help you too Mistress!" said Peter still bowing.

"Quit bowing Wormtail you're freaking us all out" said Sirius pulling Peter to his feet.

Rachael shuddered. She'd have to work with _Pettigrew! _

...Well she could always force him to work with Agatha instead...

"We'll help too oh great Creator!" said Agatha and Sophie saluting her.

"I'll help!" said Lily walking over. "That stupid Mary-Sue is making James act even stupider!"

"I'll help too she's effecting my best mate!" said Frank casting a worried look at Benjy.

"If my boyfriend's in I'm in" said Alice Prewett.

"You've paired me with Sirius" said Marlene "I owe you one!"

"Excellent!" said Rachael. "Now all we need to do is-"

"Hello, who are you?" a perfectly sweet girly voice asked.

The group turned and came face to face with Bloom, seven other students, including Anne, James and Ryan.

'Think Mary-Sue names' Rachael thought desperately. 'Think Mary-Sue names!'

"Um...I am Esmerelda. Esmerelda Stone" said Rachael. Well...Esmerelda wasn't exactly a Mary-Sue name, but she was thinking of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

"And I'm Destiny!" said Tanya grinning like Bloom, "Destiny Flight!"

Bloom smiled sweetly. "Are you new here too?" she asked.

"Yes" said Rachael. "Yes we are. We both just moved here from Ireland. Our parents died in a fire and we now live with our grandparents here."

Bloom smiled wider. She had bought it! "I'm Bloom" she said "Bloom Alexandra Sophia Kent. Don't you have any middle names?"

"Yes of course we do!" said Rachael "My full name is Esmerelda Anastasia Isabelle Stone."

"And my full name is Destiny Ruby Skylark Rosalinda Stone" said Tanya.

"Those are lovely names" said Bloom. "I hope we can be good friends."

"I'm sure we will be" said Rachael grinning sweetly. Oh how it sickened her.

"Well, see you later" said Bloom. "Anne said she'll let me borrow her spare clothes until I can get some of my own. Let's go everyone."

Bloom and the other left the Great Hall.

Rachael and Tanya sighed in relief. "Thank God that's over!" said Tanya.

"Now" said Rachael smiling. "We have her trust. But we need to find out what teacher she's going to effect..."

"And we need to free the others from her evil Mary-Sue-ness" said Tanya glaring in the direction Bloom went. "I suggest a nice bitch slap!"

**...**

**A/N: I hate Mary-Sues. Evil little creatures! And that's right I gave Pettigrew a love interest! But don't worry they don't get married or anything! I wouldn't do that to my poor little Sophie! And anyone who has read my story where the HP characters are singing Disney songs then you'll know who Agatha is and that she has an unhealthy obsession with Sirius...mainly an obsession with how hot he is! :D Awwww...Sirius Black...**


	3. The Sorting Hat Is Scarred For Life

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_Yes an update shocking I know. What will the Mary-Sue do next? Are any of the characters safe? Are Rachael and Tanya safe? Does anyone really give a damn? Read on and find out!_

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**Disclaimer- I own nothing! ...Except the OC's but you can take Bloom. Yes, that's right; you can take Bloom!**

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_Listening to- Once Upon A December- Anastasia Soundtrack_

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**...**

It was a lovely day with relatively normal, slightly cloudy weather.

That's right my lovelies, there were no sickening descriptions to speak of which made Rachael and Tanya very happy!

At the moment they were arguing.

Sirius, Remus, Peter, Frank, Alice, Marlene and Lily were watching the argument in amusement.

Agatha and Sophie were silently cheering for Rachael, though they had no choice as she was basically their God. If they didn't root for her, she could easily destroy them and they liked existing thank you very much.

"We don't really need to!" Rachael insisted for the hundredth time.

"Yes we do!" snapped Tanya. "We have to look like normal students or Bloom Too-Many-Middle-Names Kent will get suspicious!"

"But we're trying to be Mary-Sues!" said Rachael for the millionth time. "Not normal students! Besides she was automatically put in Gryffindor, she didn't get Sorted at all."

"Rachael" said Tanya as though speaking to a four year old. "Look at us; we look _nothing _like Mary Sues!"

"And thank Merlin for that" Alice muttered.

"Well...we could...we could...BAH! Do we have to?" Rachael moaned.

"Yes" said Tanya. "Besides coming here was _your _idea need I remind you?"

"And I'm starting to regret it" Rachael huffed folding her arms. Then she glanced at Sirius. "Though I suppose there are some benefits..."

"What did you say?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing Siri don't you worry you're hot little head about it!"

"_Don't call me Siri!_"

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**Dumbledore's Office**

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"Dumbledore we need to be Sorted" said Tanya to Dumbledore.

Dumbledore blinked at her. "How did you get in my office?" he asked.

"We bribed the gargoyle with Chocolate Frogs" said Rachael beaming. "I always said chocolate was a life saver!"

"So can we be Sorted?" Tanya asked Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded. "I don't see why not" he said, "There more students the merrier!"

"Trust me you won't be saying that when Tanya has James and Sirius tied to her bed" Rachael muttered.

"What?" said Dumbledore.

Oh snap he heard!

"Nothing!" said Rachael quickly. "I said nothing, you heard nothing!"

**...**

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**The Sorting...God help the students...**

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**...**

"Now although the term has already started we are going to be Sorting two new students!" said Dumbledore brightly to the Great Hall at Dinner Time. "We are going to be Sorting Ms Esmerelda and Ms Destiny!"

Barely any students were paying attention. They were too busy staring at Bloom.

"Damn Mary-Sue" Rachael muttered. "Effecting my characters and Benjy I swear I will kill you!"

Tanya went first.

"**...You're not eleven" **the Hat said.

"_Well spotted genius" _thought Tanya rolling her eyes.

"**I see you have taken online Sorting Tests" **said the Hat.

"_Of course I have!" _thought Tanya grinning. _"And you better say what all the tests say!"_

"**Very well...GRYFFINDOR!"**

Tanya pulled the Hat off her head and tossed it casually to Rachael as she strutted to the Gryffindor table.

The unaffected Gryffindors cheered although Sirius was starting to worry that he wouldn't be a virgin by morning.

Good thing he was good at protective charms eh?

Rachael put the Hat on her head.

"**Um, hello?" **said the Hat. **"Am I on somebody?"**

"_I'm walking on sunshine! Ooh! I'm walking on sunshine!"_

"**Um, what?"**

"_Aye, aye, aye I'm your little butterfly, green, black and blue make the colours in the sky!"_

"**Do you always think about music?"**

"_Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..."_

"**Can you please stop thinking about music so I can sort you?"**

"_Pretty, pretty please don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than Fuckin' Perfect!"_

"**Language! Merlin it's like Black all over again!"**

"_What? Black? As in Sirius Black? SQUEE YOU COMPARED ME TO SIRIUS! I'M SO HAPPY!"_

That Hat sighed. **"Yes I compared you to Black now will you **_**please just let me sort you?**_**"**

"_Sorry, I'll stop now."_

"**Good. Now let's see...OH SWEET MERLIN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? IS THAT EVEN LEGAL? NOT EVEN BELLATRIX WAS THIS SICK! YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN BLACK FOR A DAY AND YOU'RE THINKING **_**THAT?**_** I SHOULD CALL THE AURORS! ALERT THE MINISTRY! DEAR GOD HAVE MERCY ON THE MARAUDERS!"**

"_Hey! Give me a break I'm a teenager!"_

"**And that's supposed to be a proper excuse?"**

"_Yeah. And besides I'm trying to destroy a Mary-Sue! I'm a good guy Mr Hat!"_

"**Just keep thinking that kiddo. So you've taken Sorting tests too?"**

"_As any real HP fan does!"_

"**Right...I'll just go with what the tests say, anything to get off your head faster...HUFFLEPUFF!"**

The Hufflepuffs cheered, some still looking at Bloom and Sophie jumped up and down and made a rude hand gesture at Agatha yelling "HA HA BITCH! MY HOUSE GOT OUR CREATOR!"

Agatha pouted.

Rachael grinned as she sat down. If only there was a way to bring Cedric here! Then everything would be even cooler!

And what did they Hat mean anyway? Her thoughts weren't that disturbing...Well, when they came to Sirius, she supposed they were.

'Oh Sirius you ride of a boy you!' Rachael thought happily. She was in the same room as the Marauders, she was in Hogwarts with the Marauders.

Heaven help them!

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**A/N: Yeah, there wasn't much about Bloom in here but she'll be in the next chapter I promise!**


	4. This Is Not Naruto

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…

_Heh, heh…don't kill me!_

_Hey! Be glad I'm updating at all! I could have just left this story…aw who am I kidding? If I start something, no matter how long I put it off I will finish it. _

_Anyway I was redoing my old Avatar fanfictions, going over my ideas for a Naruto fanfiction, checking deviantart, checking YouTube, checking facebook, doing homework, drawing, reading, eating, trying to get used to my new laptop yada, yada, yada…_

_And that is why I have not updated._

_But now I am updating._

_So please don't murder me._

…

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**Listening to- Raise Your Glass by P!NK**

…

…

It was official. History of Magic sucked.

Rachael thought that Harry had always been exaggerating in the books when he said that Binns put people to sleep.

She was wrong. So very, very wrong.

Half the class were asleep, some were daydreaming, a few brave souls were actually managing to stay awake long enough to take down notes and some had just up and left.

Binns hadn't even noticed when Marlene McKinnon, Alice Prewett and Mary MacDonald had left.

Maybe people were telling the truth when they said he hadn't even realised he was dead at first. Rachael was certain that if she threw her bottle of ink at the boring ghost's head he wouldn't even notice.

'No! Bad thoughts! No attacking teachers…no matter how boring they are and no matter how entertaining it would be I cannot throw things at teachers!' Rachael thought.

She'd make up for it later by throwing things at Snape. Hmm, Dungbombs or just good old fashioned round house kicking? So many choices.

She didn't care if Snape was on the supposed Light Side, in her opinion he was still a git.

Oh sue her why don't you? So she wasn't a big fan of Snape, big whoop.

On the other hand she was a James fan and she was pissed off at Bloom.

Speaking of Little Miss Perfect she was sitting two rows in front of Rachael; in front of Sirius and behind Lily, neither of whom seemed very happy with the arrangement.

'Those poor suckers' Rachael thought, her eyes drooping. She was so tired!

Rachael looked at Tanya sitting next to her. She was wide awake, taking notes, and looking as though she thought Binns was the most amazing teacher ever. It was official- she was nuts.

Tanya saw that Rachael was close to sleep and decided to do something about it. She should not be sleeping! If you pretended that Binns was Robert Pattison/Cedric Diggory/Edward Cullen then it was fun!

"PERK UP SOLDIER!" Tanya yelled punching Rachael so hard she fell out of her seat.

It woke up all the sleeping students but Binns _still _didn't stop in his lecture. He hadn't noticed. Bloody. Buggering. Hell.

Bloom was frowning at Tanya.

"That was not very nice" she said, "Apologise."

Tanya was tempted to tell the Sue to shove it…or words to that effect, but then she remembered that they were pretending to be Mary Sues too. And Mary Sues did not get angry. Ever. Well except for Ebony/Enoby Dementia Darkness Raven Way but the less said about her the better.

"I am very sorry Rachael" Tanya said in a false, sincere voice (ironic sentence much?) "I have been having a bad day and I have been feeling…um, Out of Character."

"It's alright" said Rachael in the same voice. On the inside she wanted to slap her silly. That hurt!

Luckily Bloom seemed to be falling for it which was a miracle in itself as both girls had their eyes narrowed.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You both suck" he said once he was sure Bloom wasn't listening.

"Well _I _sure do!" Tanya said winking.

"Huh?"

Rachael patted him on the head. "Poor naïve little Siri" she said.

"And Rachael swallows!"

Believe it or not that had not come from Tanya.

Peter Pettigrew.

Right. _Right. _That little rat was dead meat!

Rachael picked up her History book intent on whacking Peter silly but just as she did the bell rang.

He got lucky this time, but one day she would get him, one day, when he least suspected it…

That rat would go SPLAT!

…

…

**Lunch Time**

…

…

Tanya, Rachael, the Marauders and others and Rachael's OCs were sitting under a tree near the Black Lake.

"I've had a thought" said Tanya.

"Tell us quick before it dies of loneliness" said Rachael.

"Hardy har, har, funny Rach" said Tanya dryly, "No I was thinking we should bring one of our friends here as extra help."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Meaning?"

"Because I miss my 'pillows'" Tanya whined.

Everyone except for Rachael, who understood what Tanya was talking about looked confused at that sentence.

Rachael sighed, rolled her eyes, reached into her bag and pulled out the Easy Button.

"You're so troublesome" she muttered.

"This is the Harry Potter universe not the Naruto universe!" Tanya snapped. "Stop talking like Shikamaru and press that button!"

Rachael rolled her eyes again and pressed the little red button.

There was a flash of white light and it disappeared to reveal a tall girl with curly brown hair, green eyes and two rather large 'pillows' on her chest.

It was Rachael and Tanya's, much more sensible than them, friend Jade Berry.

"WHAT DID YOU TWO IDIOTS DO?" she shrieked thumping them both on the head. "I WAS AT MY AUNT'S WEDDING!"

"Jadey-Baby!" Tanya cried jumping up. She promptly hugged the taller girl, burying her face in Jade's chest. "I missed you!"

"Is it normal for Tanya to plant her face in Jade's chest?" Lily asked Rachael. Rachael nodded.

"The first time it was an accident…I think…but now she does it just to annoy Jade and because apparently they're comfy. I don't plan on testing that theory" she said.

Jade was struggling to get out of Tanya's grasp.

"Seriously what did you do, why am I here and…are those Harry Potter characters?" she said with wide eyes.

"Yes, yes they are" said Rachael.

"You just sucked me into the Harry Potter universe."

"Yes, yes I did."

"Are you insane!"

"Most likely."

"Grr…"

"Good to see you too Cheshire" Rachael said grinning.

…

**Fifteen Minutes Later…**

…

They were all in the Gryffindor Common Room, yes even Agatha, and Jade had given up on trying to get Tanya to let go of her. 'No wonder people at school think we're lesbians' she thought annoyed.

"And that is why we brought you here" Rachael finished her lengthy explanation about why they brought Jade to Hogwarts.

"So you brought me here to defeat a Mary Sue?" Jade asked for clarification.

"Yes" Tanya said, her voice muffled by Jade's chest.

"And you say she's affecting James Potter?"

"Yup" Rachael nodded.

Jade thought it over for a moment, grinned a scary grin worthy of Voldemort and said; "Bring it on."

…

**A/N: People at school really do think they're lesbians because Tanya is always planting her face in Jade's boobs which, admittedly are large. Lucky cow. Anyway please review!**


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